No words to regret

Ever tell my self to ask the deep Heart when everything's so heavy

That...as a wife will I then regret for everything i could  not have?

Pernah berpikir menyesali mengapa harus menikah dwhen i haven't gave a great thing for my mother and father yet. Duduk di bangku kuliah dengan bantuan my lovely aunt harusnya membuat saya sadar bahwa yang utama adalah membahagiakan dan memberikan jaminan masa depan bagi orang tua.

Bagaimana jika kedua orang tua saya sakit nanti?, bagaimana dengan pendidikan adik saya sementara my father did not have a "good" job to wealthier the family. it's not about my own happyness but they deserve the same from me..

Hari itu saya pernah menangis sedih didalam kamar mengetahui The luck and the faith is not for me, why.?
Ya, that day is a day where i dint find my own name in the list of people as civil servant. Pekerjaan yang diburu beribu-ribu manusia indonesia ini membuat saya merasa tak berguna, tak berpengetahuan ketika mengetahui saya tidak lulus

It's not the job, but it's the worth to solve the problem of my own family

wish that i could pass, then my brother would continue the study

wish that i could pass, then my father and mother will have a ligh future

pikiran itu  kadang-kadang terselip dalam penyesalan. Tetapi Alhamdulilla ternyata apapun yang telah diupayakan, semuanya kembali pada God's decision.. Allah knows the best for you and me, and i have found the answer. Mungkin jika saya dulu lulus, saya akan mengalami keguguran karena lelah bekerja hingga tak ada Fatih tercinta yang sedang kumiliki saat ini.

Tapi bagaimanapun, I always want to have my own'sto help my parent, To give the lie of comfortable bed at night. to serve the chosen best food to consume, to the ligh future of their old age then.....

Being a wife is not the same when a girl or a woman hasn't married yet. Your Husband will take the decision when it's not good, it's bad idea for him.

you are a wife wo is restricted to choose your own way because you have your  own family who is not good for you to go far then from your husband.

you are a mother whom the son needs

,

surely, you don't want to break the growht of his memories without father or mother around him

but you are a wife who should still love and care for your parents, your family 

it's not about yours but them.

i hope one day, i have the  way..where both of  my family where i came from and my new family where i am building now will have the same happyness withot put back one side between them..

then no word to regret, to say sorry for yourself...karena saat ni adalah yang terbaik dan tak tergantikan....

Memori 23 Juli

23 juli Tahun lalu, saya mengalami keguguran kehamilan pertama. Waktu itu usia dede' dalam kandungan sekitar 12 minggu. Rasanya...ga kebayang ngalamin ujian ini. 

Hari itu jadi hari yang membahagiakan, penuh harapan sekaligus hari perginya dede'. Betapa tidak, siang hari itu saya berhasil menempuh ujian skripsi. Dan saat itulah saya berharap, setelah ini, saya ingin istirahat dan fokus terhadap dede'. Namun, manusia hanya bisa merencanakan. ALLAH lah yang Maha Tahu Yang Terbaik buat hambanya.

Petang hari tanggal 23 juli itu, di hari anak nasional itu juga, saya mengalami keguguran.....,dan keesokan harinya saya dikuret. Namun badai pasti berlalu ya. Tahun ini ALLAH memberikan kembali amanah untuk mengandung hingga usia kandungan saat ini masuk 9 bulan.

Foto USG dede' usia kandungan sekitar 26 minggu